Charisma for the scrupulous

I refuse to be left out of it. Somehow, some way I am going to figure out how someone who struggles with scrupulosity can have/use any of the gifts at anytime that the Holy Spirit decides to pour them out. I ain't gettin' in the back seat! No sireee bob!

OCD and conversational prayer do not mix well!

Christmas was very nice ovr all. The morning started out badly. I was frustrated with myself for not having gotten Denny much for Christmas. So I was there trying to download MP3 Files from the Glenn Beck website to burn onto a disk. First, I had to download each file individually...There were close to 40 of them. After going through that, I was unable to burn them to a disc. So I decided to pull down some pics of GB and put them in cards that said "You have access to MP3 files of..." I was also battling the dreaded obsessive thinking around God stuff. So finally I just threw my hands up and said "WHATEVER!" and I wanted to just chuck all of this deeper walk stuff out the window and find a quiet little social club church to attend on Sundays. Be safe and quiet and stop trying to distinguish the voices in my head. Just assume that anything I hear in my head is just my own imagination. Actually, part of me still thinks that is the way to go. Trust that God will throw a football in my back if I start walking to close to a busy intersection. It would beat the battle of the voices. While I definitely do not want to climb back into a safe Jesus box - this living on the edge of the Kingdom with Christ is kind of exciting - I can do without this particular difficulty. Maybe I do need to just stop with the "conversational" prayer stuff. Maybe I'm just not made for it. Others seem to have a gift for voice discernment that I have trouble with. I'm a teacher, strong in the areas of faith and exhortation, but I also have OCD and that is a huge problem. I get to the point where I stub my toe and think "What is God trying to tell me??" and then I get this stream of voices in my head like "You have to be careful of stumbling blocks" or "I'm trying to wake you up to your surroundings" yeah - WHATEVER...Probably I should have just turned on the light. They teach that one way to pray is to write down your questions to God and then everything you "get" in answer to that question...Later you should go back and see what squares with God's character and what doesn't. I have had very interesting conversations with God...But I am also a writer - how the heck do I know what is really Him or what is just me coming up with a good sounding answer? Even if it doesn't violate scripture, does that mean it was definitely God speaking to me, or is it just me knowing what sounds good AND doesn't violate scripture...Know what I mean??

Someone...help!

Tim's Sledgehammer...!

Anyone who knows me knows that I am completely convinced that I have a mild form of Autism...Ok, really it's OCD. But I discovered the similarities between the two during the years I worked with special needs kids. I understood those kids really well. I am rule-bound, anxious and hypervigilant. When my safe little world gets rocked, I have a meltdown. Maybe I don't always kick and scream, but my mind spins like a cyclone. Even when I know deep down that rules aren't life, they make me feel safe. I like to feel safe. Sitting through the message at VWS today about how we heal our community by chucking the "rules" was a challenge for me.

Red flags began waving in my safety zones and I feared that my lovely VWS was subscribing to some new age, its-all-good-as-long-as-we're nice-to-each-other theology.

God doesn't call us to be moral?
Someone can be Buddhist and find God?
You don't have to convert to Christianity to go to Heaven??

???!!!!

Tim said he wanted us to be challenged, to stare at the ceiling and wrestle with these statements. Well, I didn't just stare at the ceiling. I experienced an episode of cognitive dissonance to be reckoned with.

During an afternoon nap, I dreamt of complete chaos. I dreamt of overturned refrigerators, 2 feet of water in the kitchen, an out of control amusement park ride, stray cats from outside getting in the house, having to run around to get things done while people waited...The list goes on. The walls of my Jesus box were shaken and my mind was trying to run damage control.

I woke up from my nap...And I stared at the wall for a while and pondered. During that time The Holy Spirit sat with me and looked at each point that had been red flags to me on first listen. By the end I felt liberated and inspired. Granted, still a little wobbly-kneed, but I understood that the message was not taking Christ out of the equation, but rather declaring His absolute presence in everything.

Here is what I got...

God does not call us to be moral.
This is based on 1 Peter 1:15-16 which tells us to BE HOLY in all you do, because God is Holy.
Holy means: Belonging to, derived from, or associated with a divine power; sacred (dictionary.com). Someone can be moral and not be Holy. You can follow all the rules of what we deem to be moral and have no relationship with the Living God. Being moral is not the point. It may be a side-effect of being Holy, and it may be a compass to direct us toward holiness. But being moral isn't what God wants. He wants us to give him our hearts, not for us to prove we can have good conduct.

Someone can be a Buddhist and find God.
Do not fret when someone is searching. When people are allowed to follow their search to the end, they will find Christ. He is that big. God is the Creator. He is in all things and his presence is inescapable. This is not to say all things are God or that all religious traditions point to God. In fact, there are "Christian" traditions that do not really point to God at all. God is found in the person of Christ. We are to follow the ways of Christ. He came to show us how we can know the Father. How do we do this? By forgiving, serving, healing, accepting people where they are and loving them despite their warts. It is being outward focused. Anyone can be anywhere in their search for spiritual enlightenment encounter Him. When you meet the one true God, you meet Christ. Everything and everyone else will pale in comparison. Rather than chase after the seeker with a Bible warning them about the failings of their religion du jour, we should make like Christ and BE with them. Listen to them, display the unconditional love of Christ to them. And thank God for their search and the opportunity to represent Him. As Dave Workman says, "Serve them all and let God sort them out." I think I will still fret on this point. Watching someone walk into a counterfeit is never going to be comfortable for me. But I will lean into God and trust that He is big enough to handle it. And I will follow His lead on how to approach them. I will remember that love, not judgement, wins.

You do not have to convert to Christianity to get to Heaven.
No religious system will get you there. Having relationship with God will. If you have a relationship with God, you have a relationship with Jesus Christ. They are one and the same. If you aren't following the Rabbi named Jesus, you aren't following the God of the Universe anyway, no matter what religious traditions you subscribe to. The first disciples were not Christians. The religion of Christianity did not exist. They were followers of "The Way"...Christ's way. The way of forgiveness, grace, mercy, acceptance...This "way" was a threat to the established religion that sought to use God to further its own power and rulership. They must have forgotten that God doesn't share His glory. It was the religious leaders that angered Jesus, not the everyday people who were searching for love and truth. Those were the people Jesus wanted to be with so He could make God real to them.

God...Jesus....is not limited to my belief system...He is in and works through everyone and everything - even those who do not believe in Him. The scripture is full of examples of God using non-believers for His purposes. Whether or not they realize it. God is so much bigger than my preconcieved notions. God is Christ. They are One...Inseperable. There is no God without Christ. God is found in all of the things that Jesus DID. He served, healed, listened, counseled, forgave. He loved people with His life. As a follower of Christ's way, I am expected to do the same...Not just to be moral, but to be HOLY.