Bubbles, everyone, BUBBLES!

This one gets a big Dan "WOW"...

Journey with me to the interview I had today! It was with a Preschool which shall remain nameless for its own protection and all names have been changed. :)

This lovely Thursday morning, I travelled over the river to the corporate office of the Preschool That Must Not Be Named (Heretofore known as "PTMNBN"). Upon entering, I observe a girl - I am assuming the receptionist - sitting at her desk...but on the floor next to her big comfy desk chair. She is talking on the phone. She is discussing the crap someone keeps pulling, how tired she is of it and what she is going to do to prevent it in the future. She barely acknowledges me. I stand there for a couple of minutes and then another lady comes out of an office behind the front desk. She is quite friendly and introduces herself as Donna. She takes me into her office, confirms my name and asks me to have a seat.

"How much time do you have today?" She asks.
"I'm not on a schedule," I reply and hand her my teaching portfolio.

She says thanks and says she will look at it while I am watching the 3 videos they had for me to view.

"The first video," she explains, "talks about how the program at PTMNBN works and what is expected of every employee."

I nod.

"The next one talks about the after school program and the 3rd video shows an example of a teacher implementing our program's curriculum."

She says that after I watch the videos and take the quiz, they would take me to observe at one of the schools and then do an interactive observation of me with the kids.

Note: This is the point in the story where Denny and Steve said respectively "Why am I thinking Kool-Aid?" and "Cult-cult-cult" :)

I agree to the process..It seems appropriate and fair. Donna hands me the policy manual, the after school teacher rules and the post video quiz. She brings me into a room with 2 other girls who are already watching the first video. She apologizes for the bad quality of the video which is rolling and staticky and assures me they are working on making one that looks better. I settle in to catch up on the video and look over the policy manual.

It does not take long for me to suddeny feel like a 15 year old Girl Scout watching a "How to babysit properly" video. The owner of the school is sitting there on the screen going page by page through the employee manual...laboriously, point by point...And I must note that this manual includes explanations such as when to change a diaper, how to speak to children and the espcially helpful nugget: How to read a book outloud to kids:

"Be sure to hold the book out to the side, facing outward so all the children can see it...and ask questions about the book such as 'what colors do you see?'"

I am desperately trying not to let my jaw fall onto the table...and trying like mad to calm my ego and remember that I should be humble...But inside I am thinking that aside from having enough experience to know these basics, that even when I DIDN'T have experience I knew how to read a book to a child.

Next we are told we ALWAYS had to be bubbly and warm and always had to smile because children love to see smiling adults. Yes, the phrase, "Be bubbly" is in their employee manual. My hackles are going up by the minute despit every effort to talk them down.

Somehow I make it through the first video. Determined not to jump ship prematurely, I have great hopes that the 2nd video is better....Hopes that are quickly doused.

This one is hosted by a girl who proceeds to tell us how to wear a name tag so that parents know who they are talking to "See mine?" (camera closes in on her name tag) "It says 'Teacher Becky'... She explains that we should have our activities and lessons prepared before hand "so you're not standing there cutting out art projects while the students wait."

At this point I zone out. I am busy trying to decide whether to stay or go. I th about the $12/hr. that I would be paid. Then think about the $150/hr in therapy that I would need to survive this place. I decide that I am not yet at a place of desperation. It isn't worth it. I have to plan a graceful exit. Do I pretend Denny called with an emergency? Do I simply say "something has come up - can I reschedule my interview?" There must be some way to get out of here with my dignity intact.

Calmly, I gather my things and say so long to my fellow inmates. I go into the office and quietly put the paperwork on Donna's desk - realizing now that the owner of the whole blessed PTMNBN franchise (and illustrious hostess of the first video) is standing there with Donna. Donna asks me if I was done watching the videos.

"I don't think this will be a good fit." I say and smile apologetically. "Could I just get my portfolio?"

Donna looks at me in surprise and says "Oh, OK..." She hands me my portfolio. "was anything wrong?"

"No," I say "I just dont think it's a good fit...but thank you."

The owner introduces herself and says "I have to know...what didn't work for you?"

Do I tell her that I felt insulted and condescened to? Do I offer the constructive criticism she seems to want? Maybe it will help?

Nah.

I start for the door and say "It just don't think it would work out".

The owner pursues me to the exit asking me to explain. Finally I pause at the door, look at her as sincerely as I can and say "I don't think I'm bubbly enough for you".

That stops her short...she smiles and nods and kind of shrugs. I give her a wave and smile and book it down the steps to the safety of my Saturn.

Kool-Aid indeed!

SHEESH!

Brick wall - bang head.

Well, it looks like my days of hoping I will get called back to the county have ended. Kathy replied to my inquiry and said that their need for a TA anywhere in the program is looking very slim. So now I must step up my job search. I have been less aggressive in the hopes that my county job would come back for me. It looks like that won't happen this year. :( Maybe my teaching days are over. sigh. What a dream job that was...I wish I hadn't had to get dragged through Covington and grad school to learn that. I'd still be employed because I'd have had my continuing contract at 4 years.

Let this be a lesson to all about PRIDE. If you have a job you enjoy with people you like but you think you're too smart to be labeled a "paraprofessional" or think that people don't think as highly of you because of that or envy other people having a real "career", tell your pride and envy to take a hike and do what you enjoy.

This has been a harsh lesson for me, but one that the Good Lord had to walk me through to get me where I am. God and the love of family and friends are my source of worth...Not a title or a career. While I hope that my brief stay in Covington did some bit of good for at least one student, and the change led me to working with cool new people when I came back to the county, I don't think I would do it over again.

It may very well be one of those life long regrets...and to all those talk show idealists who say "LIVE LIFE! NO REGRETS!"...Please...What a "sounds good, feels good, must be true" load of horse hockey. Some of the best lessons we learn come from having to feel regret for a bad choice. The lesson might be priceless, but regret still plays a role. The key is take the lesson and move on, not pretend that regret doesn't exist or is a weak, wrong feeling.

I admit it..I regret!

Now I must humbly take my Father's hand and say "lead me on".

H.

It seems I move more places with my journal on the internet than I do places to live. Oh well...That's the beauty of the internet. You can move around when in real life you feel a little stuck. Which I do feel. I want to do many things but I am fearful and unsure. My typical lot. Scripture says perfect love drives out fear...What exactly does that mean, though? I struggle with this almost daily. I have grown some but fear remains the thorn that keeps me in one place. Like Peter struggled with loyalty and fear, and Thomas struggled with believing without seeing. I know in my head that God loves me and will not forsake me. I am His "Talitha" through Christ. I know this. I don't know how to LIVE it. One day I pray my whole being will wallow lavishly in this truth. Not so I can do whatever I want, but so that I can really know freedom from my own head. And maybe somehow be able to communicate how to live it out.

Probably I have too much time on my hands right now. I need to form my own little unemployment outreach!

H.

Long lost friend

I have been thinking of my old friend Ron for weeks now...And I have found him...On Hamilton County's website for current prison inmates...What a sad discovery. Last night I was looking up the photos of the 2 people they caught who broke into our neighbors house. While I was glancing through some of the other names out of curiosity, Ron's name came to mind but I didn't look him up. Who would think to look for a friend in prison? But today as Denny and I were perusing the inmate list "for fun", I saw his name and gasped. I brought up the inmate's picture and it was indeed my old friend Ron. It appears that he us in for theft and forgery. But he has a record of about 10 other incidents mostly for the same things.

Funny that God has been impressing on me a desire to do some sort of prison outreach. Now I have a starting place. I am going to send Ron a note. I want him to know that I still think about him and remember him as mine and Allen's "son" (long story!). I hope he replies.

H.